Thursday, February 17, 2005

Dr. Howard Dean called to save the Democrats

YEEEEEEARRRGH!!! That scream you just heard was the last moderate Democrat after hearing Dr. Howard Dean was elected chairman of the Democratic National Committee.

Dr. Dean (he was a medical doctor before he became a radical politician) showed how connected he is to the electorate last year by losing 17 straight primary contests to John F. Kerry before dropping out of the race for president. YEEEEEEARRRGH!!! (I can’t get that earsplitting scream Dr. Dean made when he lost the Iowa caucus out of my head.)

Did the Democratic Party learning anything from Dr. Dean’s political demise in 2004? Sure. They unanimously elected the good doctor to head their party for the next four years. Democrats would have been better off nominating Dr. Jack Kevorkian. If they wanted to commit doctor-assisted suicide, they could have done it quickly and with much less pain. Instead, the party faces the prospect of a slow, agonizing death as Dr. Dean leads the party faithful over the liberal abyss.

A quick quiz. Who made the following comment last week: "I hate the Republicans and everything they stand for." A) Michael Moore B) Ted Kennedy C) Nancy Pelosi D) Dr. Howard Dean. Yes, that was Dr. Dean on the eve of his ascension to the party leadership post. Does that sound like the words of somebody who can build a winning coalition and stop the Democratic slide by attracting moderate Republicans and independents? YEEEEEEARRRGH!!!

This is the same Dr. Dean who insulted Southerners by calling them hayseeds who drove pickup trucks with the Confederate flag displayed in the rear window. The same Dr. Dean who supports socialized medicine paid for by higher income taxes on the middle class, government-sanctioned same sex unions and massive cuts in defense spending. His strategy for fighting terrorism? Let’s go to the United Nations and talk those misunderstood Islamic terrorists that Ward Churchill weeps for.

Dr. Dean is further to the left than John Kerry, who came in 3 million votes short in the last presidential election, giving Democrats five loses in the last seven contests for the White House. In case the left-wing of the party (which appears to be in firm control) hasn’t noticed, Kerry lost 31 of 50 states in November. YEEEEEEARRRGH!!!

By turning the party over to Dr. Dean, the Democrats have written off every state south of the Mason-Dixon Line and everything west of the Mississippi River (except the Left Coast, where Hollywood’s leftist community resides). It doesn’t take Karl Rove to figure out the Democrats’ problem in national elections. Only two Democrats have occupied the White House in the past 35 years — a peanut farmer from Georgia and a guy named Bubba from Arkansas. YEEEEEEARRRGH!!!

When the Democrats nominate candidates like George McGovern, Walter Mondale, Michael Dukakis and John Forbes Kerry — big-spending, anti-defense liberals — they lose every time. Voters didn’t trust Kerry on the critical issue of national security. Did the party learn anything? The Democrats are trusting their future in the former governor of Vermont, a hippie commune that probably has a bigger population of moose than people.

The party that dominated American politics for most of the 20th century is now the party of radicals like Al Sharpton, Barbara Boxer, Ted Kennedy and Dr. Howard Dean. Guess which party will dominate the 21st century? YEEEEEEARRRGH!!!

The coronation of Dr. Dean as the titular head of the party is an admission by Democrats that they have no new ideas to offer America. Higher taxes, bigger government, abortion-on-demand, same-sex unions, cuts in defense, weakness in the war on terror make up the Democrats’ platform. It’s the reason Kerry lost. It’s the reason Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle lost. It’s the reason Republicans built bigger majorities in the House and Senate.

Dr. Dean is not only too far left to be an effective leader for the party, but he has no credibility after spending all of 2003 and 2004 badmouthing the Democratic establishment in Washington. He positioned himself as an outsider taking on the system. Now he is part of the very system he denounced. Who is Dr. Dean going to blame when Democrats lose more seats in the 2006 mid-term elections?

And what of Dr. Dean’s celebrated temper? It’s only a matter of time before Hillary Clinton pisses him off or John Edwards tries to take the spotlight away from the good doctor. When that happens, run for cover. YEEEEEEARRRGH!!!

E-mail Tony Phyrillas at

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