How fitting that the 79th annual Academy Awards featured former Vice President Al Gore so prominently. Who better to represent the most boring Oscars program in the past 80 years?
The beefy Gore, who could have been mistaken for Steven Seagal, was everywhere at the Oscars, hamming it up in sketches with Leo DiCaprio, walking the red carpet with Tipper and accepting the award for best documentary (like any other movie had a chance on the Left Coast, where liberals migrate by the thousands.)
Were you able to stay awake for the nearly four-hour program? Early indications are that Sunday's show was one of the least-watched Oscars telecast ever.
If you missed it, consider yourself lucky. Here's some highlights. I mean lowlights.
Ellen DeGeneres was by far the worst host in the history of the program. The only mildly-amusing moment for DeGeneres was when she asked Steven Spielberg to take a photo of her and Clinton Eastwood with her digital camera. Otherwise, it was a trainwreck.
Who will host next year's telecast? Rachel Ray? Tyra Banks? Maury Povich? The producers could have their pick of any top tier entertainer in the world and the best they can do is a washed-up daytime talk show host?
My pick to host this year's Oscars was Borat, but nobody listens to me.
Was this the most anti-climatic Oscars ever? Front-runners Helen Mirren of "The Queen," Forest Whitaker of "The Last King of Scotland" and Jennifer Hudson of "Dreamgirls" all won, just like we expected.
Surprises? Not many. Eddie Murphy lost to Alan Arkin of "Little Miss Sunshine" for best supporting actor. A character-actor from the 1960s and 70s, Arking hasn't been in a feature film in about 20 years. That was truly an upset.
A lot of people thought "Happy Feet" winning for feature-length animation category was a surprise, but I had it pegged all along as the winner over "Cars," which won the Golden Globe and was a much bigger box office hit.
The same Hollywood lefties who voted for Al Gore's mockumentary about global warming also voted for "Happy Feet," which is about over-fishing. The Hollywood bunch isn't too bright. They saw penguins on a polar ice cap and thought it was a cartoon version of Al Gore's hot air movie.
Al Bore also deserves an award for most contrived speech of the night.
"This is not a political issue. It's not a political movie," Gore said about his political movie. "Some of the solutions will have to be worked out within the political sphere, but it really should be bipartisan, and it should be seen as a moral issue. It is the overriding moral issue of our time."
I don't think global warming would top my list as the top "moral issue of our time."
And how serious is Al Gore about this whole thing when he takes private jets to and from his global warming speeches?
Those weren't hybrid vehicles the stars arrived in Sunday for the Academy Awards. How much gas mileage does one of those stretch limos get, anyway?
The other thing about this year's Oscars that bugs me is the rash of foreigners who took the stage. One out of three winners did not speak English. Can we get interpreters next year?
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